12.26.10
VT College Essay
Two versions of the essay appear below. The first is the version prior to my edit. The second is after my edit. To see my changes and reasons for my changes, download the doc or PDF file.
BEFORE…
Which of your current or previous teachers do you admire most, and why?
Of the numerous teachers that I have had the privilege of learning under, one stands out from the rest. Mrs. Konnor, my eleventh grade AP English teacher, is undoubtedly the teacher that I admire most. Mrs. Konnor is a phenomenal teacher because she has an uncanny ability to challenge and inspire a student while simultaneously providing a comfortable learning environment. I can remember that every time I walked into her class room I was excited. Excited not only because Mrs. Konnor would keep us entertained, interested and, amazingly, on task but also because I could not wait to see what she would teach me that day. It seemed that every time I walked into that class I was in for passionate discussions and intelligent conversations about modern events, controversial issues and famous works of literature. Every day, as I left her classroom, I was inspired to learn more about current events, expand my knowledge and to become better read in classic literature. Mrs. Konnor repeatedly pointed out profound symbolism and deeper meaning in novels that we never would have been able to find on our own, thus challenging us to look closer and delve deeper into literature. The combination of relaxed and comfortable learning mixed with challenge and inspiration is unlike any I have ever faced in a classroom before and perhaps ever will again. For that, Mrs. Konnor has my gratitude and my admiration.
Describe how a world event has helped to shape the person you are today.
As with many people, the terrorist attack on the World Trade Centers in New York city on September 9th 2001 had a profound impact upon me in spite of, or perhaps because of, the fact that I was only nine. As a nine year old, I understandably could not fully grasp what had happened or any of the terrible evil that stood behind the atrocity. That day, a process began inside of me. Perhaps this process is not finished and perhaps it has run its course. In any case, I began to become aware of a whole world full of good and of evil that existed beyond the bubble of safety and comfort known as Peters Township. From that day of atrocity onward, I have extended my awareness to global events that will inevitably affect me even within the safety of my bubble. Though these events happen thousands of miles from my doorstep and involve people I have never met, they have a very real affect on me. September 11th was the first of these events that I truly experienced and it changed my whole world view and my ability to recognize the affect and scope of world event. I believe September 11th has shaped the person I am today in a profound way; acting as a giant pin to my safe and comfortable bubble and awakening me to the vast world that lie beyond Peters Township.
Describe five unique or interesting things about yourself.
A person is more than their standardized scores and GPA. A person is a complex culmination of experiences, thoughts and convictions. While a 250 word essay is by no means a clear window to the soul, I will try to give you an idea of who I am in the next 195 words. The most important thing to me and the first interesting thing about me is my faith. As a Christian I am called to share it with the world and I do that as often as I can. This brings me to my second interesting thing. I have been on two mission trips to Panama and intend of going on many more. Thirdly, I play defense for my lacrosse team. I enjoy it very much and like to think that I am pretty good too. I enjoy the competition, comradery and opportunity to exercise. The fourth thing is that I was born on Halloween. I rarely have anyone forget my birthday; it is a pretty common date. The final noteworthy or important thing to who I am is that I enjoy playing chess. While this may seem to be uninteresting, it is a good indicator of my personality. Chess is a thinking man’s game, a game of strategy and logic combined with creative thinking. This is how I am wired. I am a thinker, a problem solver and I enjoy strategic and logical thought while being creative. So there I am; 250 words to help un-fog the window.
AFTER…
Which of your current or previous teachers do you admire most, and why?
Of the numerous teachers that I have had, one stands out from the rest—Mrs. Konnor. As my eleventh grade AP English teacher, Mrs. Konnor is undoubtedly the one I admire most. She is a phenomenal teacher because she has an uncanny ability to challenge and inspire a student while simultaneously providing a comfortable learning environment. I remember being excited every time I walked into her classroom not only because Mrs. Konnor would keep the class entertained, interested and, amazingly, on task but also because I could not wait to see what she would teach me that day. Every class was filled with passionate discussions and intelligent conversations about modern events, controversial issues, and famous works of literature. Every day, as I left her classroom, I was inspired to learn more about current events, to expand my knowledge, and to become better read in classic literature. Mrs. Konnor repeatedly pointed out the profound symbolism and deeper meaning in novels, thus challenging us to look closer and delve deeper into literature. The combination of a relaxed and comfortable learning environment with challenging and inspiring lessons is unlike any I have ever faced in a classroom before and perhaps ever will again. For that, Mrs. Konnor has my gratitude and my admiration.
Describe how a world event has helped to shape the person you are today.
As with many people, the terrorist attack on the World Trade Centers in New York City on September 11, 2001 had a profound impact on me in spite of, or perhaps because of, the fact that I was only nine. As a nine-year-old, I understandably could not fully grasp what had happened or the terrible evil that stood behind the atrocity. However, a process began inside of me that day. September 11th shaped my whole world view and my ability to recognize the affect and scope of other world events. Perhaps this process is not finished and perhaps it has run its course. In any case, I became aware of a whole world full of good and of evil that existed beyond the bubble of safety and comfort known as Peters Township. From that day onward, I have been able to see how global events will inevitably affect me even within the safety of my bubble. Though these events happen thousands of miles from my doorstep and involve people I have never met, they have a very real affect on me. This new awareness has inspired me to or has impressed upon me the value of or something….[complete this thought].
Describe five unique or interesting things about yourself.
A person is more than standardized scores and a GPA. A person is a complex culmination of experiences, thoughts, and convictions. While a 250-word essay is by no means a clear window to the soul, I will try to give you an idea of who I am in the next 211 words. The most important thing to me, and the first interesting thing about me, is my faith. As a Christian, I am called to share my faith with the world, and I do that as often as I can. This brings me to my second interesting thing. I have been on two mission trips to Panama and intend to go on many more. Thirdly, I play defense for my lacrosse team. I enjoy it very much and like to think that I am pretty good, too. I enjoy the competition, camaraderie, and opportunity to exercise. The fourth thing is that I was born on Halloween. I rarely have anyone forget my birthday. The final noteworthy or important thing that tells who I am is that I enjoy playing chess. While this may seem to be uninteresting, it is a good indicator of my personality. Chess is a thinking game, a game of strategy, logic, and creativity; and I enjoy strategic, logical, and creative thought. So, these five interesting things tell you that I am more than my test scores and GPA. I am a unique, well-rounded person who cares about people and missions, who is competitive and social, who values physical fitness, and who is a thinker and a problem solver.
